Dear Jack,
I work in the pine forest and my apartment has wall-to-wall carpeting, so I am always tracking in duff. I have one of those sucks-up-a-bowling ball type of vacuum cleaners but I still can't keep the place clean. My girl friend has asthma and won't visit until I do a better job of cleaning. Please don't say I have to give up my Vibram souls. I love my boots.

The Pine Guy

Dear Pine Guy,

Groucho Marx once said, "I love my cigar, but I take it out once in awhile." So too with shoes. You could adopt a Japanese tradition and leave the shoes outside the door, but boot guys don't like to take them off even to go to bed, and sometimes not even them. You obviously need more than clean bowling balls. (By the way, that trick is more a demonstration of Bernoulli's effect than it is of suction power.)

Many of the better quality leaf blowers come with vacuum attachments. If you don't already have one, you should get one with at least 165MPH wind velocity and 370CFM air movement capacity. Such machines will be able to suck the carpet right off the floor. This will take care of any forest litter you might track into the house.

You will want to run the machine outside, however, so as to not fill your apartment with exhaust fumes. Rig up an adapter to attach a regular vacuum hose to your blower's vacuum nozzle. Use sheet metal, duct tape, or whatever material you have on hand. Set the machine running just outside the door and vacuum everything to girlfriend-acceptable standards.